Month: April 2024

I Wanna Be Rejected: MAY 2024

MAY SUBMISSIONS

A glutton for punishment I continue to prove that I am the

UK’s Most Ignored Poet or UKMIP.

So far I have applied to approx 36 Magazines since January 1st and the score is
Magazines 36 – Shaun Belcher Acceptances 0

Putting me well ahead in the Britain’s Got No Poets Celebrity Write Off Final

Interpreter’s House – STILL OPEN MAY

Fiction and poetry submission windows for October issues are open 1 April – 14 May inclusive.

Under the Radar  –  OPENING on May 1st

Poetry Ireland Review :

Submittable full April re-opens May

CLOSING 12 MAY
Shooter –  Theme: Nightlife   (print) CLOSING 15 MAY
Emerge Literary Journal    (online) CLOSING 20 MAY
Modern Poetry in Translation  XXX (I don’t do translation) Theme: dissent and resistance   (print)

DUE TO OPEN WEDS 1 MAY

Crannóg      print(?)
Strix     (print)
Anomaly Literary Journal    (online)
Carmen et Error   (online)
Green Ink Poetry   (online)
Leon Literary Review  (online)

NB OPEN 15 – 29 MAY:
The Stinging Fly    (print)

#NaPoWriMo WTF

I had never heard of this acronym until my mate and fellow poet Neil Fulwood revealed it to me and a poem (pretty damn good one) too.

Basically the UK Poetry Society being about ten years behind evrybody else has copped a write a poem every day in April meme from the rest of the world. (figures totally). They then have haphazardly and with their usual acumen and professionalism spread it about half-heartedly on the web.

Brewery / piss up meme….

So being a cynical pensioner with time on hands I thought I would give it a bash and here the first two results. ( I one behind the daily upload and I ignoring all prompts except Moniza Alvi’s as she a good poet and I know her brother).

I WANNA BE REJECTED: April 2024

APRIL SUBMISSIONS

New Policy no USA and Canada mags reduces overall numbers and frankly wasting time.

Here’s this month’s chicken head on the chopping block list…after vetting left with very few opportunities

  1. London Grip – Three poems XXX (see below)
    Moon Turned Dark, Houses on the Horizon and Mallory’s Camera
  2. Briefly Write – two 16 line poems
    Working on a building of love, London Calling

London Grip: XXX

Been asked to re-submit a poem here for June issue so will do my best to write or find two other poems to go with it. Then this within one hour of submitting and 4 hours BEFORE deadline and apparently forgetting asked me to resubmit a poem ..

I have been rejected in a frankly bizarre message which states that despite a ‘very good poem ‘ (only bit he got right) I am at fault for not being on message with a theme which only arises when said theme occurs to the editor in process of editing. This duly increases control of said editor many times and makes him look even more god-like ( Or Emiritrus Professor ) in his position than he already considers himself. Oh magazine badly designed looks 20 years out of date and basically a soap-box for his own agrandisement.

Sometimes I grow tired of poets…especially arrogant incompetent ones.
This destination is permanently shelved in fucking useless box….oh and if want to complain about this content go ahead I will take piss even more ..

Still didn’t waste three very good poems on a shit magazine so every cloud has a silver lining.

Frogmore Papers : X
Post only which is sweet and as I was accepted via post in 1990s by I believe the same person (nowt else them days) I suppose not so bad I missed the post date totally….

Oxford Poetry
: X FEES
Another blast from the past although it didn’t charge me £3.50 or more last time (1993). Therefore ignored this time if wish to see more about the magazine the Submittable portal shows this
https://duotrope.com/magazine/oxford-poetry-10349

Amsterdam Quaterly : X

Theme Vibrations……I hate theme bollocks and I do not vibrate…

Beaver Magazine X (USA)
Unfortunate name…Seems to be USA based but could be Canada hard to tell. Good use of wordpress looks good.

Briefly Write
:
UK -based clear guidelines looks OK. Look like care and not just doing what they told post CW MA as so many do. Also have some idea about design.

Consilience : X

Now closed just as well mind-numbingly complicated process I know science related but need a degree?
Issue 17 is now closed for submissions of both poetry and artwork.

Empty House
Press X (USA)

OK allow simultaneous hard to judge magazine natural world emphasis in photographs. USA based. Out as USA cannot be arsed.

Porridge XXX
UK soley Post Creative Writing degree group so fairly young
ALL female editors.
There are NO men in art section which frankly pretty awful hence no I shall not bother is a club for females ( trans )only.
Put it on your masthead then…

I found a male name on a poem BUT it Trans about becoming a butterfly..oh dear…

If it Porridge it full of pink and sparkly bits really….

The Shore: XXX (USA)
USA based I think slightly older than fresh faced grads use of images worrying. Use of sea pictures always suggest Suffolk middle-class to me. OH USA based fresh-faced grads who probably like to live in Norfolk. Career building so give it a miss too…it incresingly easy to spot banged together magazines wiht poor graphics set up to publish people’s mates under ‘international’ signage. (USA)

SPELLBINDER XXX
Oh dear more new grads shit…their submission guidelines hoorendous arrogant shit to be honest was put off before even finished reading ..

CAREERIST nowt else likes to boast about how well it doing bet actual poetry fucking awful. They wouldn’t know art or good design if it ran them over…

Spellbinder was founded in 2020 by a group of students based in England, who had first met at the Durham University Creative Writing Society.  How nicey middle-class. File by Porridge I hate these kind of fake magazines.

HUMANA OBSCURA: XXX

So Obscura hard to tell if real or a scam..no names and an identity taken from free theme sources online…its first anthology focusses on BLUE

that it I out….

THE JOURNAL USA: X USA

Phew a proper magazine at last

Decent magazine varied content know what doing. easy to spot after a while…

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